DATE RAPE

Date rape has always been, and unfortunately will always be a very painful and sensitive subject to write about. I hope that i am able to be completely objective in my writing on the topic without appearing insensitive or disrespectful to all those out there who have at one time or the other fall victim to this despicable act of human selfishness. Rape in any form is tragic and horrible, but this tragedy becomes more horrifying when the victim knows and trusts her attacker.

Although, majority of the cases of rape involve women as the victim, but there have been some few cases where men have also fallen victim to rape, either by women or other men. Nevertheless, this article focuses mainly on women as victims of date rape.

Now, what is rape? You might ask.
Well, Rape has been defined as vaginal, Oral, and/or Anal penetration using force or the threat of force. It is an act of violence motivated by power and control.
Date or Aquaintance rape occurs between individuals who have agreed to engage each other socially. That is, between individuals that have agreed to go out with each other on a date. It could be someone you recently met or even someone you have being dating for some time. The sad truth is that in most of this cases the assailant does not even believe that what he has done constitutes as rape, even when he knows, he is confident that the woman will never implicate him. This is the reason why most instances of this incidents go unreported, especially in countries like Nigeria, Where woman are afraid that no one will believe them or that they might even be held responsible for the act. Honestly, we can not fault these women for thinking this way. We live in a country where false modesty and hopocrisy is the order of the day. Whenever we read the staggering satistics of rape cases in more developed countries, we tend to get all self-righteous, saying how these countries are corrupt and demonic. The sad truth is that we most likely have a lot more terrifying statistics without even realising it. The only difference being that in these countries, women are are lot more confortable reporting this kind of situation than the women in a country like Nigeria.

There are various factors that can contribute to the occurence of this kind of a scenerio. Women should be more careful about spending time alone with men. Especially in a secluded or densely popullated area. In the case of students, they should avoid visiting and spending time alone with boys that they dont really know all that well or worst, boys that they are just meeting for the first time, in their dorm or private hostels. In some cases, some girls would attend a party and then go off to a quiet and secluded place with a guy they just met. This only put you at risk.

One major factor that can cause date rape is MISCONCEPTION. Most times, men think that when a woman says No she is just playing hard to get and want them to put more effort or to play rough. Newsflash guyz, sometimes when a woman says No, she actually means No, and even if u are not exactly sure of what she meant, then try to clerify the matter or better yet just assume that she actually does mean No. Ladies too in this case should be very clear from the beginning what they expect from a guy and what that guy should expect from them in return. Some times girls just want to flirt harmlessly, this does not automatically mean that they are asking for sex.
Some guyz too also assume that once they take a girl out on a date and pay the bills that they are also automatically paying for sex and should they be refused when they want to collect then it is only their right to collect by force. My advice to ladies here is be careful how you collect gifts from men, either in cash or in kind. When you go out on dates, offer to pay the bill. This in its own way asserts you indepence and lets him know that you most certainly can pay your own way.

The most common factor that influences rape, especially in this part of the world is the fact that. some guyz feel that when a lady dresses provocatively she is asking to be raped. No one, i repeat NO ONE ever asks to be raped. This has always been a controversial topic in this country. My take is this, if a lady dresses too provocatively for you to handle why not look away. You say she is committing a sin, and yet you feel that the best way to correct her is to committ a sin too. But then ofcourse they dont see it as a sin. Some even call it "correctional rape" like seriously? How the human mind will always find reasons to justify her trecherous thoughts.

Alcohols and drugs are also very significant in date rape. Statistics show that about 75% of date rate involve alcohol and/or other drugs. When a person is under the influence of any of this substance, she allows herself to exist in a vulnerable state. There is poor judgment and miscommunication most of the time. In the guys, alcohol consumption may lead to increased agressiveness and a decrease in sensitivity to others.

Ladies, know this, not all date rapes can be prevented. Some men plan the majority well in advance. Men like these usually have a history of forcing women to have sexual relations.

TIPS FOR LADIES.

1. Women should examine their needs and wants from a relationship and know their sexuall limits. These limits should communicated properly.

2. They should never allow themselves to become intoxicated either with alcohol or any other date rape drug.
3. Avoid mixed messages. Say yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no.
4. If you feel like a gut is pressuring you for sex, be direct and firm when you reject the offer. this is so not the time to be polite.

5. Ladies trust your instinct, if you dont feel comfortable anymore then get out of the situation.

6. If things start to get out of hand, make yourself heared and leave.

7. Lastly, ladies, stay away from guys WHO are so obviously rude, obscene and blatanly disrespectful to womenfolk.

If you are a victim of date rape, please do not keep it inside of you. Talk to someone, preferably a proffessional or someone who will give you comfort qnd encouragement. Always remain safe ladies.

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